Our Homestudy is Scheduled!

We finally got a call from our social worker, Stacey. She seems really cool, and very energetic and positive, and easy to talk to. It was weird to speak to someone who likes her job so much. An alien concept to most people I know. It just spilled out from her, over the phone. What a freak. Ha, ha, I keed, I keed. Stacey herself has two adult children who were adopted from Korea, which is also really awesome. Who better to step families through this process than someone who has been there first hand?

Anyway, she said her schedule was filling up, so we made the appointments for early December, two mornings, and we'll have to take a few hours off work. The first session should be about 2 hours, and I think she is mostly going to look at our house, and not really delve too deeply into, well, us. The second session should be about 3 hours, and that's where we'll go over those giant essays we wrote and anything else she wants to ask us, and all of this will depend on how many questions we have for her, and how much info she can get from us. I also found out she likes dogs, which is good.

The other information she gave me dealt with time frames. She said with the holidays and everything, we could assume she would be done writing our homestudy in January and it would then be sent to Korea. Based on current wait times, it would be another 12 to 13 months for a match/referral. That means it will be about a year from the time our file goes to Korea to which we are matched with a baby. If you are keeping track, that's January/February 2010. Then, it's another 4 or 5 months for the baby to come home. She said we'd be safe telling our family and friends not to expect anything before SUMMER 2010. She kept trying to tell me it wasn't such a long time, and it would go fast, which was funny to me because I hadn't expressed anything about the long time-frame. It's really okay by me. So there you have it. But keep in mind, anything can happen.

Mandatory Parent Training Classes 1 and 2

Well, we attended the first two parts of an ultimately 6-part mandatory class schedule for parents-in-progress of an international adoption. While there were some good things about it, I tend to have a visceral reaction to the word "mandatory" and immediately become grumpy, feel put-upon, and begin grumbling about "The Man." I also hate sitting in classes, and forced socialization. That said, it was a good forum to be able to ask questions, and see the variety of people who were in the same boat as us. And the social worker presiding over the class was super-nice, easy to talk to, and seemed to genuinely love her job. The couple sitting across from us was in process to adopt from Nepal. Nepal? The only reason I know where Nepal is, is because in Raiders of the Lost Ark, that's where Indiana Jones seeks out Marian Ravenwood at that bar where she outdrinks the local, because he's trying to get the headpiece to the Staff of Ra...okay, I'm geeking out a bit here. Anyway, I found that fascinating, and they seemed nice.

We went around the room, introducing ourselves, and then basically just spent a good deal of time asking questions. A lot of people were asking questions I thought were stupid, probably because we (Wade and I) already knew the answers to them. Do your homework, people. And so much of this process has so many unknowns, it's hard to give a definitive answer anyway. No, we don't know how long the wait is going to be from the time your paperwork goes overseas-- which was pretty much what everyone ultimately wanted to know.

Next, we did an exercise on a sheet of paper where we had to match up a list of important events in adoption history, with the year we thought they took place. Then we had to match up a second list saying why these events were important. That's all fine, but I felt that it was nothing I should've had to sit in a classroom for, and I'm not sure how my familiarity with the "orphan trains" that began in the mid 1800s are going to help me at 2am with a screaming 11 month-old who never slept in a crib before. But maybe we cover more pertinent stuff in the later sessions.

Next we watched a video tape of teenagers who had been adopted internationally. They all spoke positively, and seemed well-adjusted, and happy. I know from speaking with friends who have been through the process that they are saving the other video-- the ones of the angry teens, resentful of being torn away from their "families" and culture--is being saved for later.

We then broke for lunch-- which was the highlight of the day. We met up with a friend from college and her family, which included her biological son, and adopted Korean daughter, who was just too adorable. We had a great time at lunch, and I got a lot more information out of them than I did from the class.

When we returned from the class, we had to do an exercise that invovled drawing a picture in a group with crayons, without speaking to each other. I got the white crayon, because I was supposed to be frustrated by being "invisible". Except I pushed so hard, I broke the crayon in half, and then just continued on with a pretty pink pen I had in my purse. Invisible my ass. One of our group members was asked to leave and join another group, and were secretly told to "disrupt" the new group's drawing. When we reconvened, we were asked how we felt about the disruptive person, and how we dealt with them. This was supposed to symbolize the newly adopted child coming in and disrupting our families. It's these types of things that make me want to run around screaming. Really? A new baby is going to disrupt our lives as we know it? Really? Gosh, I'm so glad you had me draw this picture, because I never would've realized that on my own.

The last part of the class was, in my opinion, the most valuable. We talked about the effects of institutionalization on children, and how this may affect their behavior once they came home. We talked about different developmental rates, and talked about language adaption-- this was important stuff. We should've been doing this type of stuff the whole time. We also went over a list of actual comments that children have said to their parents-- and discussed how to handle these awkward and surprising situations. Hopefully the future classes will feature more of this sort of topical information, and less drawing in silence.

In the Mail

Well, it took, oh, I don't know, slightly over three months, but we finally, finally, finally finished doing, signing, filling out, completing, and printing everything in the packet we received from the agency way back at the end of May. As a refresher, this included our long personal essays, fingerprinting forms, employment verification forms, health forms, financial statement, copies of birth certificates and marriage license, map/directions to our house, and one photo of each of us alone and what will be the baby's room. I wrote a cover letter, put on some binder clips, and brought the package to the downstairs mailbox this morning, away from the prying, nosy eyes of my co-workers. (I used my USPS's "Click and Ship" account, because I'm frequently too lazy to walk to the post office. Sad, but true.)

I think the next step is the agency reviewing what we sent them, and setting up our home study, which can take about 8-6 weeks. (And billing us $2000 for the home study. Don't want to forget that.) Of course, in 8 weeks we'll be washing down oysters with beer in the Keys, but I'm sure they will work around our travel plans. We've also scheduled the first two modules of our parenting course for Saturday, October 18.

A long lost college friend recently got in touch with me on Facebook. While I was looking at her pictures, I noticed her daughter was Asian. I sent her a message and found out that not only was her adorable daughter adopted from Korea, they used the same agency as we did, and we will most likely have the same social worker. She's already been an excellent source of advice and guidance and I'm so glad she suddenly and randomly found me. Talk about serendipity.

That's about it.

Wassup, Doc?

I had my doctor's visit this morning, and got the results of my tests, and had the health form filled out. It was went really smoothly, and I am apparently the picture of health. (My cholesterol is 170! I didn't need that for the adoption application, I just figured, hell, since they were taking blood, they might as well give me a full work-up. My LDL-HDL ratio is exceptional too.) And... I might have fudged my weight a little-- but it's the nurse's fault for asking me instead of actually making me get on the scale. If I was a nurse, and I was going to ask people their weight, I would just automatically add about 20lbs on to whatever they said.

Wade already had his appointment a week ago, so he just needs to get his employment verification form signed by his boss, and then we can finish up the financial form, and read/edit each other's essays/personal statements. Then, this packet we've had for several months will be ready to be sent back to the agency.

Fingerprinted

Hi, I know it's been a while. It's summer, things and people move slowly. I think both of us have our essays done, and we went for our fingerprinting appointments this morning. They don't use ink anymore, which should've been obvious to me if I'd really thought about it, but I didn't, and as a result, I was sad. You just have your hands held over two different sized scanners, one that does your whole hand/all fingers together, and then a smaller scanner where each finger is rolled back and forth individually. All your individual little whirls show up on the computer screen, beep, beep, and you're done. Nothing to it. Still, I wanted to walk out of there smiling, with smudgy inked fingertips. Oh well.

Next on our list is the drs appointment, but we need to find out if we have to get referrals for the blood tests since we have new insurance.

There is a new director at our agency, who sent out an email introducing herself, and letting us know there was other new staff as well. She mentioned in her email that she has two adult children who were adopted from Korea, so while I didn't know the story of the previous Acting Director, it's nice to know that the new person has been down the same path that we're currently on.

After the drs appointments, which we should be able to take care of in the next few weeks, we just have forms to be signed by our employers, and a few other short forms to fill out before we sign up for the first two modules of the classes we have to take. We really don't have any free Saturdays in August, so I'm thinking we might have to push it until September, or take off from work to go. Which I really don't want to do. My work schedule has gotten a little less flexible than it used to be since we are currently under martial law, imposed by our new evil overlord. Who I'm going to have to ask to sign my form. And I don't want to. Maybe I'll ask my old boss, and back-date it to when he was my supervisor. It was just a few weeks ago. I really don't want to have to discuss the adoption with Voldemort if I don't have to.

Anyway, that's where we are!

Fingerprinting Scheduled

We are each still working on our essays/personal data sheets and it's slower going than I had originally thought it would be. We should be done very soon though, and we made our fingerprinting appointments for Saturday July 12. Naturally, the office closest to us closed down at the end of May. The other sheets that need to be filled out are not an issue, and should take little time at all. We also have to make drs appointments for physicals/blood tests, and find out when we might be able to take the Parents in Progress courses. I'm hoping we can have everything needed for this packet sent back in by the end of July. So there probably won't be too much activity between then and now.

Personal References

Well, we are moving along with our Personal Data Information Forms. I'm nowhere near done, and some of the questions are causing writer's block. I'm not sure what page I'm on, because I'm composing in Google Docs and its one giant, scrolling page. I skipped a few questions to go touch upon later, too. The one about my greatest achievement is really throwing me. I don't know that I have one. Or, I don't think that what I really feel was a great achievement would be viewed as such by others. Beyond that, I am up to the Parenting section, which seems to be about 2/3 of the scroll down.

In the mean time, our Personal Reference questionnaires were were mailed out to the selected individuals, and we've confirmed that star witnesses Jeannie, Samantha, Wendy, Dave F, and Dave M, have all received the forms. The completely confidential forms. And let's not forget special guest star Myrna as The Neighbor. I believe that both Samantha and Jeannie have completed theirs already and sent them back in. You both rock! (Unless you wrote hideous things about us, in which case you suck. Hard.) We will be keeping an eye on the rest of you-- especially individuals historically prone to tardiness. (You know who you are.)

I also meant to see about scheduling the fingerprinting, but I forgot to bring the forms to work when I left the house this morning.

Even More Paperwork

We received the snail mail packet yesterday, all of which is to be completed and returned together with our filled out Personal Data Sheets (that 16 page magnum opus from my last post.) The new forms consist of:

• Financial Statement form
• Medical reports for each of us, that need to be completed by our doctor, and include results of HIV and Tuberculin tests (I guess that's for tuberculosis? Is that a blood test?) Interestingly, they want our heart rates, but not our cholesterol numbers.
• We need to send them directions to our house and a map
  
• Authorization to release employment verification information that our supervisors have to sign (thank God they sent that to me, rather than directly to my boss, lest it get lost in one of many black holes around his orbit)
• We have to make an appointment with Sagem Morpho to get fingerprinted
• We have to send in photocopies of our certified birth certificates and marriage certificate
• One photo of what is to be the baby's room (hopefully they will be ok with the baby's room looking right now like a giant walk-in closet with windows), and one picture of each of us separately (you know this is going to take me longer to take the picture than to fill out the 16-page form)
• Begin filling out the I600A immigration form. I read some scary stuff about this one, for instance, if you fill it out incorrectly, you have to resubmit it, with the $700 fee each time. They are supposed to help us with this, however

Once all that stuff is in order, they will invoice us for the home study, and then it usually takes 6-8 weeks to get the fingerprint clearances, medical reports, and personal references before they set up the appointment with the social worker to come to our house. We have our work cut out for us, at least.

That's Personal! (Data Information Form)

Today we received via email a "Personal Data Information Form" which each of us has to fill out. It's 16 pages long, and that's before I even wrote anything on it! It reads like a Blue Book exam from hell, with all the essay questions about yourself. I'm not worried about it in the sense that I think I'll have trouble filling it out--hmmm, I'm incredibly self-centered and an excellent writer... I mean, come on. It's just that I will find myself wondering what the "right" answers are to some of the questions. Except, there shouldn't be any "right" answers, since it's about you, your life, and your feelings. Still... the intro paragraph clearly warns you that everything you put must be "accurate and truthful" or it may result in your application being denied. I am pretty sure what is put on these forms will in large part create the basis for our home study. So I can't help but wonder what sorts of things a social worker would be looking for.

The form needs to be completed and returned with a bunch of other forms which I think are coming via snail mail. I have no idea what the other forms consist of. Also, this should signal that our personal reference forms will probably be mailed out-- so be on the lookout for them (you know who you are!)

Since I know your curiosity must be piqued by what exactly is on this form, I will give you some sample questions below. And no, I'm not giving you my answers.

• Have you discussed your adoption plans with your extended family? What is their attitude towards adoption?

• How do you plan to include the culture and traditions of the country you have chosen in your family life?

• Briefly describe your parents' marital relationship while growing up. What would you do differently?

• What do you feel was missing in your childhood?

• Who was the most influential person in your life? What qualities did this person possess? (I can only suppose they mean real, not fictional people.)

• Describe the things you like about your spouse.
  

• In what ways would you bring up your child as you were raised? What would you do differently?

• What types of discipline did your parents use? How effective were these disciplinary methods used by your parents. (I still think being sent to my room, with my cable tv, was a very effective method.)

• What have been the most fulfilling accomplishments in your life? (Uhhh... sadly, "finishing The Legend of Zelda: Twilight Princess" is probably not the best answer. Even if it's true.)

• Please share the religious faith and/or beliefs and values you hold most important and how you plan to pass them on to your child.

And so on... wish us luck!

Friday Phone Call

Happy Memorial Day!

On Friday, we had a scheduled phone call with the Acting Director of our branch office. It wasn't a big deal at all, and basically seemed like she just wanted to go over the information we put on the original online application, and I guess, make sure we were serious about this (i.e., not drooling morons, and not batshit psychos) before moving on to the next step-- which is a big whole mess of paperwork. She also wanted to answer any questions we might have, except as she pointed out, we probably know as much as she does right now. (Because there are unknowns when dealing with a foreign government, and there is so much information available on the web, specifically on their web site. They really aren't trying to hide anything from us, or sneak up with any "gotchas!")

The one thing she said, which seemed to be cause for concern, was that right now their main office was told to put on hold all home study packets that were being sent over to Korea. The Acting Director seemed to think this was because of the recent tragedy that occurred in the Midwest, and that Korea might be making their mental health requirements a bit more stringent. Since they are trying to supposedly phase out their international adoption program by 2014 anyway, they have been using this horrible story to say, "See? See what happens when we send our children overseas for adoption?!" Or something like that. The Acting Director seemed confident that this was only temporary, and that all the home studies would be kept in the proper order and eventually sent over.

So after the holiday weekend, our big packets will go out, and at the same time our reference forms will go to the non-family individuals we selected to fill them out. I'm really curious to know what is on those. I suspect someone will tell me. ; )

Roadmap

We received a long, detailed email about next steps in the process, which was good, because I was starting to feel like we were stumbling in the dark. People would ask me, and while I had the vaguest notion of the process, I really didn't know for sure. So, I now present to you a brief version of what lies before us:

• Next Friday, we will speak with the branch office supervisor to discuss our application and the process and any questions we may have.
• We will then be forwarded our home study packet. This is going to contain personal data questionnaires, medical reports, fingerprint forms, and requests for employment verifications, copies of birth certificates and marriage certificate. They will also need financial information and a map to our home (??).
  
• When they have all that stuff, we will have to pay for our home study.
  
• A local social worker will contact us to arrange for our interview meetings
• Before the home study is finished, we will need to take two modules of a "Parents in Process" course. The final three modules are to be taken after the homestudy, but before a child is assigned to us.
• We will receive information on how to file the US Citizenship and Immigration forms (I have heard this is a pain in the ass.)
  
• We will get more information on the timeframe and assignment process when we speak with the director next week. But based on the results of the homestudy, we will be matched with a child in Korea!
  
• There are post-placement services and visits from the social worker for 6 months after the child is home with us, and also information on finalizing or refinalizing the adoption.

That's all I've got right now, which is considerably more than I had before. I guess we have about one more week of "vacation" until we get in to this hard-core.

The Check is in the Mail

Literally. It is. I put it in the mailbox this morning, with a brief note about how it should've been in the previous day's packet. Now we wait for the next step. Whatever that is.

A Visit to the Notary

We met for lunch today and went to get the International Adoption Services Agreement notarized at the bank across the street. There were people in there waiting, but when we asked for the notary, we were whisked right in, and didn't have to pay a fee since we are customers. The Notary woman was very nice, and mentioned that it was a pleasant surprise to notarize something happy, since she gets a lot of divorce papers, being so close to the courthouse. She checked our IDs and bank cards, we signed, she signed, and then got out her seal. It was so fast and easy-- I've spent more time waiting for the ATM machine in the lobby.

After a yummy lunch at Saladworks, I went back to work and made copies of everything, and sealed the originals up in an envelope. I took such care to make sure everything was in order. But the second I dropped the envelope in the mailbox, I realized I forgot to enclose a check. Doh!! So stupid. I felt like an idiot. They don't do those child abuse record information check forms for free you know. It costs $10 a person. See what I get for trying to be so thorough. We sent an email saying the check would be coming separately from the signed papers. I'm sure it will be fine. If I can't even handle this simple a task, what am I going to do as things get more complicated? Derrrr...

Anyway, that's where we are.

Next Step

We received our packet from Holt! It contains the International Adoption Services Agreement (IASA) form, which needs to be notarized, and some "NJ Required" forms which include the Child Abuse Record Information Form, the Rights and Responsibilities form, and my personal favorite, the "Statement that Corporal Punishment Will Not Be Used."

The Child Abuse Record Information Form is to make sure that we have no history or record of child abuse, which makes sense. We had to give our SSNs and all our previous addresses since 1981. One of us had to insert a separate piece of paper for all the extra addresses. (Kind of sketchy there, hon!) The Parental Rights and Responsibilities form lists a bunch of blah, blah, blah about the agency, and the Manual of Requirements for Adoption, disclosure, report violations, blah, blah, blah... But, the last page of this packet, requiring our names and signatures, states that we:

individually "agree that corporal punishment, including hitting and shaking, as well as abusive language and ridicule are unacceptable means of discipline."

No abusive language? No ridicule? How the hell am I supposed to discipline this kid!? Luckily, I might be able to still get away with biting sarcasm, as part of a loophole, since there seems to be no mention of that. Unless that falls under the purview of "ridicule." Hmmm... On the bright side, I didn't sign anything limiting abusive language or ridicule towards my husband, at least.

Finally, the last bit that needs to be filled out and returned is the part that made my veins run through with ice water. (Even after relinquishing my Spanking Rights.) According to our great state of NJ, of the five non-family references we submitted with the initial online application, one reference must be a neighbor. A neighbor!! [Cue the Psycho music]

We don't talk to any of our freaking neighbors!! One the one side of us, we have Doug and Carrie Heffernan, and on the other we have Busybody Biddie and her husband The Crank. I very nearly began to panic. Who is going to give a child to a couple of antisocial misanthropes who have no relationship with their neighbors? Wade bravely offered to go to over to either couple's house and ask them if they would be our reference. Carrie Heffernan barely says hello to me, even if we are standing next to each other getting into our cars in the morning, and Busybody Biddie will be all up in our grill if she knew what was going on, and it would be beyond annoying. I'm sure Busybody Biddie would've been honored and thrilled to have been asked-- she has like 50 grandkids, but it's a matter of privacy at this point. She will be relentless, plaguing us with questions, lying in wait for us to leave the house or come home. I truly believe she already has a neighborhood surveillance system set up in her extra bedroom that rivals that of the Secret Service. So, she probably already knows about the adoption at this point anyway, since I imagine she has our place bugged.

Wade even called Holt and asked if it had to be a current neighbor. Nice try. It did. Grrrr...

Finally, after much hand-wringing, I suddenly remembered that, duh, one of my co-workers lives in my neighborhood!! Not right next door, but on the same street. And the same street is good enough. I will ask her, I'm sure she will do it. Such a relief!

User Error

Well, being that it had been over two weeks and we haven't heard a word back from Holt (aside from the automated responses we received from online submissions), we decided to get in touch with them and see what was up.

The intake assistant at Holt's main office (in OR, I believe) sent back a very nice reply, stating that she wasn't sure what was going on-- she didn't seem to have our online application on record. This was news to us, since not only did we have email confirmations, we also had $200 taken out of our checking account. (Somehow that part of the process worked perfectly, didn't it?) Off to a great start! Was someone trying to tell us something?

After a few phone calls back and forth, I received a call at work from a very nice woman in the NJ branch office, who explained to me what happened.

She told me that the applications are usually filed under the father's last name, which is fine, except that we used my debit card for the application fee, and that was in my name (which was not changed after marriage, in the event anyone stumbles on this blog who does not know me). So the application and the pictures, and the application fee were essentially filed under two separate accounts. Everything was cleared up, and we were told we could expect a packet in the mail in a couple of days.

Smile!

In addition to the online application, we also had to submit scans of our last three tax returns, as well as pictures of everyone living in your household, and the front of your house. I waited a few days to submit the picture of the front of the house, because the dogwood tree out front was just starting to explode into pink blossoms, and I wanted it in the picture. Finding a picture of both of us together that met both of our standards wasn't easy either. Naturally, I look great in ever picture, so the problem wasn't me. : )

Everything is submitted, and now we just wait for the next packet to come from Holt.

Ready to Submit (the application)

Well, we did it. We filled out the online application this morning with Holt International to adopt a baby! You know, a quiet Sunday morning, cups of coffee, newsprint-stained hands (I mean that figuratively, since most of my news reading is of the online variety) and deciding to become parents. (Guess these quiet Sunday mornings were just a little too quiet for some of us.)

The online application wasn't a huge deal, it asked for the usual, expected sort of information: names, birthdays, marriage date(s), address, employment, and some basic financial info. There were short sections about medical/mental conditions/treatment (we left off the part about me thinking I've lost my mind), and ages/gender of the child we would like to adopt. We set the age from 0-2, and the gender to "either"-- but only because it says we have to be open to either for the programs we are interested in. We both kind of want a girl. Which seems highly unlikely, since we are planning to adopt from Korea, and there are overwhelming odds of getting a boy. We also had to rank by importance several factors, including "medical condition of child," "current care situation of child," "cost," "gender," etc. Naturally, we put "cost" as the most important factor. (I keed! I keed!) Finally, we had to write a short description of why we wanted to adopt from a particular country. We cited Korea's excellent health care system (comparable, if not better than our own) as well as the excellent care the children are given there, usually in foster homes.

We put in the credit card info (we've surely spent $200 on worse things) and hit "submit"!

Here we go...