The Child Abuse Record Information Form is to make sure that we have no history or record of child abuse, which makes sense. We had to give our SSNs and all our previous addresses since 1981. One of us had to insert a separate piece of paper for all the extra addresses. (Kind of sketchy there, hon!) The Parental Rights and Responsibilities form lists a bunch of blah, blah, blah about the agency, and the Manual of Requirements for Adoption, disclosure, report violations, blah, blah, blah... But, the last page of this packet, requiring our names and signatures, states that we:
individually "agree that corporal punishment, including hitting and shaking, as well as abusive language and ridicule are unacceptable means of discipline."
No abusive language? No ridicule? How the hell am I supposed to discipline this kid!? Luckily, I might be able to still get away with biting sarcasm, as part of a loophole, since there seems to be no mention of that. Unless that falls under the purview of "ridicule." Hmmm... On the bright side, I didn't sign anything limiting abusive language or ridicule towards my husband, at least.
Finally, the last bit that needs to be filled out and returned is the part that made my veins run through with ice water. (Even after relinquishing my Spanking Rights.) According to our great state of NJ, of the five non-family references we submitted with the initial online application, one reference must be a neighbor. A neighbor!!
We don't talk to any of our freaking neighbors!! One the one side of us, we have Doug and Carrie Heffernan, and on the other we have Busybody Biddie and her husband The Crank. I very nearly began to panic. Who is going to give a child to a couple of antisocial misanthropes who have no relationship with their neighbors? Wade bravely offered to go to over to either couple's house and ask them if they would be our reference. Carrie Heffernan barely says hello to me, even if we are standing next to each other getting into our cars in the morning, and Busybody Biddie will be all up in our grill if she knew what was going on, and it would be beyond annoying. I'm sure Busybody Biddie would've been honored and thrilled to have been asked-- she has like 50 grandkids, but it's a matter of privacy at this point. She will be relentless, plaguing us with questions, lying in wait for us to leave the house or come home. I truly believe she already has a neighborhood surveillance system set up in her extra bedroom that rivals that of the Secret Service. So, she probably already knows about the adoption at this point anyway, since I imagine she has our place bugged.
Wade even called Holt and asked if it had to be a current neighbor. Nice try. It did. Grrrr...
Finally, after much hand-wringing, I suddenly remembered that, duh, one of my co-workers lives in my neighborhood!! Not right next door, but on the same street. And the same street is good enough. I will ask her, I'm sure she will do it. Such a relief!
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