Even More Paperwork

We received the snail mail packet yesterday, all of which is to be completed and returned together with our filled out Personal Data Sheets (that 16 page magnum opus from my last post.) The new forms consist of:

• Financial Statement form
• Medical reports for each of us, that need to be completed by our doctor, and include results of HIV and Tuberculin tests (I guess that's for tuberculosis? Is that a blood test?) Interestingly, they want our heart rates, but not our cholesterol numbers.
• We need to send them directions to our house and a map
  
• Authorization to release employment verification information that our supervisors have to sign (thank God they sent that to me, rather than directly to my boss, lest it get lost in one of many black holes around his orbit)
• We have to make an appointment with Sagem Morpho to get fingerprinted
• We have to send in photocopies of our certified birth certificates and marriage certificate
• One photo of what is to be the baby's room (hopefully they will be ok with the baby's room looking right now like a giant walk-in closet with windows), and one picture of each of us separately (you know this is going to take me longer to take the picture than to fill out the 16-page form)
• Begin filling out the I600A immigration form. I read some scary stuff about this one, for instance, if you fill it out incorrectly, you have to resubmit it, with the $700 fee each time. They are supposed to help us with this, however

Once all that stuff is in order, they will invoice us for the home study, and then it usually takes 6-8 weeks to get the fingerprint clearances, medical reports, and personal references before they set up the appointment with the social worker to come to our house. We have our work cut out for us, at least.

That's Personal! (Data Information Form)

Today we received via email a "Personal Data Information Form" which each of us has to fill out. It's 16 pages long, and that's before I even wrote anything on it! It reads like a Blue Book exam from hell, with all the essay questions about yourself. I'm not worried about it in the sense that I think I'll have trouble filling it out--hmmm, I'm incredibly self-centered and an excellent writer... I mean, come on. It's just that I will find myself wondering what the "right" answers are to some of the questions. Except, there shouldn't be any "right" answers, since it's about you, your life, and your feelings. Still... the intro paragraph clearly warns you that everything you put must be "accurate and truthful" or it may result in your application being denied. I am pretty sure what is put on these forms will in large part create the basis for our home study. So I can't help but wonder what sorts of things a social worker would be looking for.

The form needs to be completed and returned with a bunch of other forms which I think are coming via snail mail. I have no idea what the other forms consist of. Also, this should signal that our personal reference forms will probably be mailed out-- so be on the lookout for them (you know who you are!)

Since I know your curiosity must be piqued by what exactly is on this form, I will give you some sample questions below. And no, I'm not giving you my answers.

• Have you discussed your adoption plans with your extended family? What is their attitude towards adoption?

• How do you plan to include the culture and traditions of the country you have chosen in your family life?

• Briefly describe your parents' marital relationship while growing up. What would you do differently?

• What do you feel was missing in your childhood?

• Who was the most influential person in your life? What qualities did this person possess? (I can only suppose they mean real, not fictional people.)

• Describe the things you like about your spouse.
  

• In what ways would you bring up your child as you were raised? What would you do differently?

• What types of discipline did your parents use? How effective were these disciplinary methods used by your parents. (I still think being sent to my room, with my cable tv, was a very effective method.)

• What have been the most fulfilling accomplishments in your life? (Uhhh... sadly, "finishing The Legend of Zelda: Twilight Princess" is probably not the best answer. Even if it's true.)

• Please share the religious faith and/or beliefs and values you hold most important and how you plan to pass them on to your child.

And so on... wish us luck!

Friday Phone Call

Happy Memorial Day!

On Friday, we had a scheduled phone call with the Acting Director of our branch office. It wasn't a big deal at all, and basically seemed like she just wanted to go over the information we put on the original online application, and I guess, make sure we were serious about this (i.e., not drooling morons, and not batshit psychos) before moving on to the next step-- which is a big whole mess of paperwork. She also wanted to answer any questions we might have, except as she pointed out, we probably know as much as she does right now. (Because there are unknowns when dealing with a foreign government, and there is so much information available on the web, specifically on their web site. They really aren't trying to hide anything from us, or sneak up with any "gotchas!")

The one thing she said, which seemed to be cause for concern, was that right now their main office was told to put on hold all home study packets that were being sent over to Korea. The Acting Director seemed to think this was because of the recent tragedy that occurred in the Midwest, and that Korea might be making their mental health requirements a bit more stringent. Since they are trying to supposedly phase out their international adoption program by 2014 anyway, they have been using this horrible story to say, "See? See what happens when we send our children overseas for adoption?!" Or something like that. The Acting Director seemed confident that this was only temporary, and that all the home studies would be kept in the proper order and eventually sent over.

So after the holiday weekend, our big packets will go out, and at the same time our reference forms will go to the non-family individuals we selected to fill them out. I'm really curious to know what is on those. I suspect someone will tell me. ; )

Roadmap

We received a long, detailed email about next steps in the process, which was good, because I was starting to feel like we were stumbling in the dark. People would ask me, and while I had the vaguest notion of the process, I really didn't know for sure. So, I now present to you a brief version of what lies before us:

• Next Friday, we will speak with the branch office supervisor to discuss our application and the process and any questions we may have.
• We will then be forwarded our home study packet. This is going to contain personal data questionnaires, medical reports, fingerprint forms, and requests for employment verifications, copies of birth certificates and marriage certificate. They will also need financial information and a map to our home (??).
  
• When they have all that stuff, we will have to pay for our home study.
  
• A local social worker will contact us to arrange for our interview meetings
• Before the home study is finished, we will need to take two modules of a "Parents in Process" course. The final three modules are to be taken after the homestudy, but before a child is assigned to us.
• We will receive information on how to file the US Citizenship and Immigration forms (I have heard this is a pain in the ass.)
  
• We will get more information on the timeframe and assignment process when we speak with the director next week. But based on the results of the homestudy, we will be matched with a child in Korea!
  
• There are post-placement services and visits from the social worker for 6 months after the child is home with us, and also information on finalizing or refinalizing the adoption.

That's all I've got right now, which is considerably more than I had before. I guess we have about one more week of "vacation" until we get in to this hard-core.

The Check is in the Mail

Literally. It is. I put it in the mailbox this morning, with a brief note about how it should've been in the previous day's packet. Now we wait for the next step. Whatever that is.

A Visit to the Notary

We met for lunch today and went to get the International Adoption Services Agreement notarized at the bank across the street. There were people in there waiting, but when we asked for the notary, we were whisked right in, and didn't have to pay a fee since we are customers. The Notary woman was very nice, and mentioned that it was a pleasant surprise to notarize something happy, since she gets a lot of divorce papers, being so close to the courthouse. She checked our IDs and bank cards, we signed, she signed, and then got out her seal. It was so fast and easy-- I've spent more time waiting for the ATM machine in the lobby.

After a yummy lunch at Saladworks, I went back to work and made copies of everything, and sealed the originals up in an envelope. I took such care to make sure everything was in order. But the second I dropped the envelope in the mailbox, I realized I forgot to enclose a check. Doh!! So stupid. I felt like an idiot. They don't do those child abuse record information check forms for free you know. It costs $10 a person. See what I get for trying to be so thorough. We sent an email saying the check would be coming separately from the signed papers. I'm sure it will be fine. If I can't even handle this simple a task, what am I going to do as things get more complicated? Derrrr...

Anyway, that's where we are.

Next Step

We received our packet from Holt! It contains the International Adoption Services Agreement (IASA) form, which needs to be notarized, and some "NJ Required" forms which include the Child Abuse Record Information Form, the Rights and Responsibilities form, and my personal favorite, the "Statement that Corporal Punishment Will Not Be Used."

The Child Abuse Record Information Form is to make sure that we have no history or record of child abuse, which makes sense. We had to give our SSNs and all our previous addresses since 1981. One of us had to insert a separate piece of paper for all the extra addresses. (Kind of sketchy there, hon!) The Parental Rights and Responsibilities form lists a bunch of blah, blah, blah about the agency, and the Manual of Requirements for Adoption, disclosure, report violations, blah, blah, blah... But, the last page of this packet, requiring our names and signatures, states that we:

individually "agree that corporal punishment, including hitting and shaking, as well as abusive language and ridicule are unacceptable means of discipline."

No abusive language? No ridicule? How the hell am I supposed to discipline this kid!? Luckily, I might be able to still get away with biting sarcasm, as part of a loophole, since there seems to be no mention of that. Unless that falls under the purview of "ridicule." Hmmm... On the bright side, I didn't sign anything limiting abusive language or ridicule towards my husband, at least.

Finally, the last bit that needs to be filled out and returned is the part that made my veins run through with ice water. (Even after relinquishing my Spanking Rights.) According to our great state of NJ, of the five non-family references we submitted with the initial online application, one reference must be a neighbor. A neighbor!! [Cue the Psycho music]

We don't talk to any of our freaking neighbors!! One the one side of us, we have Doug and Carrie Heffernan, and on the other we have Busybody Biddie and her husband The Crank. I very nearly began to panic. Who is going to give a child to a couple of antisocial misanthropes who have no relationship with their neighbors? Wade bravely offered to go to over to either couple's house and ask them if they would be our reference. Carrie Heffernan barely says hello to me, even if we are standing next to each other getting into our cars in the morning, and Busybody Biddie will be all up in our grill if she knew what was going on, and it would be beyond annoying. I'm sure Busybody Biddie would've been honored and thrilled to have been asked-- she has like 50 grandkids, but it's a matter of privacy at this point. She will be relentless, plaguing us with questions, lying in wait for us to leave the house or come home. I truly believe she already has a neighborhood surveillance system set up in her extra bedroom that rivals that of the Secret Service. So, she probably already knows about the adoption at this point anyway, since I imagine she has our place bugged.

Wade even called Holt and asked if it had to be a current neighbor. Nice try. It did. Grrrr...

Finally, after much hand-wringing, I suddenly remembered that, duh, one of my co-workers lives in my neighborhood!! Not right next door, but on the same street. And the same street is good enough. I will ask her, I'm sure she will do it. Such a relief!